Clouded

Meditating was very difficult tonight. My mind is clouded. There was an incident at work and I can't stop thinking about it. I just kept finding my mind drifting to work. I pushed the thoughts out when I became aware that they were sneaking in, but it's easier said than done. And the less focused I became on meditating, I found the quicker my counting became, to the point that it was almost silly to even try to do any breathing exercises. I would definitely say, meditation tonight was not very successful. That's ok though, I know that the more I work at it, the easier it will get.

I don't like starting new things. For one thing, I've always been fairly resistant to change. I like it mostly when things stay the same, because it's comfortable and I like that. Plus, when I'm trying to make personal changes, I always find it especially difficult. I can see where I want to be, and I can see the road to getting where I want to be, the problem is always traveling the road. That's part of the reason that I'm keeping this blog, to help keep me on track and honest.

It's like, when I try to lose weight, I always start off really well, then I find it getting harder and harder. Like the road is getting longer and longer. I can see myself at the end, at a good weight that I'm happy with, and I can see the steps to get there, but actually taking those steps and sticking with it is very difficult.

That's how I feel about this personal growth journey I've started. I know that once I get used to this routine, I'll love it and I'll be happy with myself, but actually getting to that point is very difficult. Just tonight, while I was watching netflix I was thinking about which step in evening schedule I wanted to skip. It's not good to skip steps. So far I'm doing well. I showered and meditated (the step I was most keen on skipping). Next I'll be journaling and doing a bit of reading (Still the Isis and Osiris book (Only 2 chapters left!)).

So, thank you possibly imaginary readers for keeping me honest. And, since this blog is my replacement for facebook, I always celebrated frog day on Wednesdays on Facebook, so here is a wonderfully cute frog picture for your Wednesday view pleasure.