Sorry I've been MIA for the last couple days. I just haven't had much to say and didn't the point in posting nothing. Also, last night I was out until 9:30. I didn't even do my meditating. I was home so late, something had to give and I decided that reading was a higher priority to me that meditating, so I skipped a night. Right back to it tonight though.
Things are mostly going about the same. I did get on facebook briefly today (I promised I would be honest about it). Though it was less of a slip and more of an exception. A friend had some photos to show me and the easiest way for me to see them was to look at them on facebook where he had posted them. I didn't scroll through anything though. I did go through my notifications, because I had a lot, but I didn't scroll through any timeline posts and only looked at certain notifications. I wanted to make sure and stick as much to my promise to myself as possible.
Other than that, everything's the same and everything's pretty good. I will be house sitting next week and likely won't be doing any posting as the family I'm house sitting for has internet, but can't remember the password to their wifi. So I will not have access to blogger or google. I may keep a bit of a pseudo journal while I'm there and post on here when I get home, but probably only if I have something of significance to say.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Monday, September 15, 2014
Kitten Videos
I find that meditating is getting easier. I wouldn't say I'm doing very well at it yet, but I don't quite mind just sitting as much as I did at first. The time doesn't seem to take as long, and pushing past the initial "I don't want to sit here for ten minutes" feeling is quicker than it was at first. So, that's good. I still have a lot of trouble clearing my mind. It's just so difficult for me to push all those thoughts out of my head.
It's been one week since I've started all of this. One week since I made the decision to give up facebook. Overall I think it's going well. I don't miss it quite so much. I do find that I still feel like I'm missing something. Mostly because I would spend my evenings watching netflix, then when I needed a short break from that, I would scroll through facebook. But, it's nice to not be feeling all that negativity. I do feel like I'm missing a lot. I'm missing what's going on with the people I care about and I'm missing what's going on in the world in general. Pop culture has never been of much interest to me, so I don't miss that part, but just small things. Like when the ice bucket challenge was so big, or when gay marriage is legalized in different states. The small things that brought me bits of happiness here and there. I do miss that...kitten videos. I miss the kitten videos. But, I still think the positives outweigh the negatives overall, so I am still happy with my decision.
It's been one week since I've started all of this. One week since I made the decision to give up facebook. Overall I think it's going well. I don't miss it quite so much. I do find that I still feel like I'm missing something. Mostly because I would spend my evenings watching netflix, then when I needed a short break from that, I would scroll through facebook. But, it's nice to not be feeling all that negativity. I do feel like I'm missing a lot. I'm missing what's going on with the people I care about and I'm missing what's going on in the world in general. Pop culture has never been of much interest to me, so I don't miss that part, but just small things. Like when the ice bucket challenge was so big, or when gay marriage is legalized in different states. The small things that brought me bits of happiness here and there. I do miss that...kitten videos. I miss the kitten videos. But, I still think the positives outweigh the negatives overall, so I am still happy with my decision.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
As Expected
So, I took a nap when I got home from work yesterday, which is pretty much the kiss of death to any sort of plan I may have had. I didn't really even plan on napping, I just laid down to read for a bit, and the next thing I knew, I was being woken for dinner. The problem with napping, while I do love it, is that the rest of the day all off-kilter. I ate lunch, took a nap, then woke up to eat dinner. There was no time in between. Which basically means that my whole evening was shot. I didn't do any meditating didn't get to bed on time. I did read before bed, which was nice, and finished the book I was reading, which was extra nice.
The good news is, I did better tonight. Did my meditating, now I'm blogging, next it's reading and bed. I even brushed about a million burrs out of my cat's fur earlier this evening, which made me feel extra productive. Word of caution to anyone who thinks having an outdoor cat may be a good idea, just make sure it's a short-haired cat, for the love god.
I've been having a hard time clearing my mind during meditation. It's part of the reason I've always hated sitting meditation so much. I just find it so difficult to clear my mind. It's always so crazy in there. I really dislike that about myself. Even if there's nothing bad (which, let's face it, in life, there's usually something bad to think about), my brain starts making things up. It's really something I need to work on, not only the making up problems thing, but the clearing my mind thing. It's one of the hardest parts of this whole thing.
I'm starting a new book this evening. It's called "God Against the Gods" by Jonathan Kirsch. I always have a hard time deciding which book to read next. And now that I'm trying to work more on personal growth, and one of the major things I'm focusing on is my spirituality, I want the books I read to have meaning. Maybe meaning isn't the right work, but some kind of order. I don't want to just blindly be reading book after book and not have them connected in some way. I think I'm going to go through my book list over the next couple of days and see if I can find a way to group them together so my reading seems more focused.
The good news is, I did better tonight. Did my meditating, now I'm blogging, next it's reading and bed. I even brushed about a million burrs out of my cat's fur earlier this evening, which made me feel extra productive. Word of caution to anyone who thinks having an outdoor cat may be a good idea, just make sure it's a short-haired cat, for the love god.
I've been having a hard time clearing my mind during meditation. It's part of the reason I've always hated sitting meditation so much. I just find it so difficult to clear my mind. It's always so crazy in there. I really dislike that about myself. Even if there's nothing bad (which, let's face it, in life, there's usually something bad to think about), my brain starts making things up. It's really something I need to work on, not only the making up problems thing, but the clearing my mind thing. It's one of the hardest parts of this whole thing.
I'm starting a new book this evening. It's called "God Against the Gods" by Jonathan Kirsch. I always have a hard time deciding which book to read next. And now that I'm trying to work more on personal growth, and one of the major things I'm focusing on is my spirituality, I want the books I read to have meaning. Maybe meaning isn't the right work, but some kind of order. I don't want to just blindly be reading book after book and not have them connected in some way. I think I'm going to go through my book list over the next couple of days and see if I can find a way to group them together so my reading seems more focused.
Friday, September 12, 2014
The Weekend Encroaches
Sometimes I feel like the universe is working against me. I felt much better about meditating tonight. I felt like I was in a good place mentally and that my mind was a little more cooperative. However, when I sat down to begin, my cat decided that this would be a good time for some cuddles. It was not. She did leave me alone about half way through, and I was able to mostly ignore her, but it does make things a bit difficult when you have a cat on your lap and rubbing your legs and licking your hands and biting your arms. "But, why wouldn't you just lock your cat out of the room while you're meditating?" Good question made up blog reader. If I lock her out of the room she just sits on the other side of the door and cries, which is equally, if not more distracting. The weird thing is, she did fine the first couple nights. Just laid there and watched, which didn't bother me at all. I'm hoping the more I do it, as long I just ignore her, she'll get the idea that this is not a time for attention.
Otherwise I'm doing well. I didn't do my journaling last night. By the time I got off here, it was already 10 and I didn't want to push my timeline too far back (another large point of this whole schedule is to make sure I get to bed at a decent hour). So I decided between journaling and reading, I'd rather give up journaling since I had already done my blogging for the evening.
Sorry I don't have too much to say this evening, but it's been a fairly uneventful day in my world. The weekend is tomorrow, which I'm a little leary about. I always have issues with weekends. Things are easier during the week when I have to work around my work schedule. It's easy to eat right and stick with some sort of plan. But on the weekends, when all I want to do is sit around and nap, things get a bit more difficult. I do work tomorrow, which is actually helpful, but I'll keep you updated on how things go.
Otherwise I'm doing well. I didn't do my journaling last night. By the time I got off here, it was already 10 and I didn't want to push my timeline too far back (another large point of this whole schedule is to make sure I get to bed at a decent hour). So I decided between journaling and reading, I'd rather give up journaling since I had already done my blogging for the evening.
Sorry I don't have too much to say this evening, but it's been a fairly uneventful day in my world. The weekend is tomorrow, which I'm a little leary about. I always have issues with weekends. Things are easier during the week when I have to work around my work schedule. It's easy to eat right and stick with some sort of plan. But on the weekends, when all I want to do is sit around and nap, things get a bit more difficult. I do work tomorrow, which is actually helpful, but I'll keep you updated on how things go.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Clouded
Meditating was very difficult tonight. My mind is clouded. There was an incident at work and I can't stop thinking about it. I just kept finding my mind drifting to work. I pushed the thoughts out when I became aware that they were sneaking in, but it's easier said than done. And the less focused I became on meditating, I found the quicker my counting became, to the point that it was almost silly to even try to do any breathing exercises. I would definitely say, meditation tonight was not very successful. That's ok though, I know that the more I work at it, the easier it will get.
I don't like starting new things. For one thing, I've always been fairly resistant to change. I like it mostly when things stay the same, because it's comfortable and I like that. Plus, when I'm trying to make personal changes, I always find it especially difficult. I can see where I want to be, and I can see the road to getting where I want to be, the problem is always traveling the road. That's part of the reason that I'm keeping this blog, to help keep me on track and honest.
It's like, when I try to lose weight, I always start off really well, then I find it getting harder and harder. Like the road is getting longer and longer. I can see myself at the end, at a good weight that I'm happy with, and I can see the steps to get there, but actually taking those steps and sticking with it is very difficult.
That's how I feel about this personal growth journey I've started. I know that once I get used to this routine, I'll love it and I'll be happy with myself, but actually getting to that point is very difficult. Just tonight, while I was watching netflix I was thinking about which step in evening schedule I wanted to skip. It's not good to skip steps. So far I'm doing well. I showered and meditated (the step I was most keen on skipping). Next I'll be journaling and doing a bit of reading (Still the Isis and Osiris book (Only 2 chapters left!)).
So, thank you possibly imaginary readers for keeping me honest. And, since this blog is my replacement for facebook, I always celebrated frog day on Wednesdays on Facebook, so here is a wonderfully cute frog picture for your Wednesday view pleasure.
I don't like starting new things. For one thing, I've always been fairly resistant to change. I like it mostly when things stay the same, because it's comfortable and I like that. Plus, when I'm trying to make personal changes, I always find it especially difficult. I can see where I want to be, and I can see the road to getting where I want to be, the problem is always traveling the road. That's part of the reason that I'm keeping this blog, to help keep me on track and honest.
It's like, when I try to lose weight, I always start off really well, then I find it getting harder and harder. Like the road is getting longer and longer. I can see myself at the end, at a good weight that I'm happy with, and I can see the steps to get there, but actually taking those steps and sticking with it is very difficult.
That's how I feel about this personal growth journey I've started. I know that once I get used to this routine, I'll love it and I'll be happy with myself, but actually getting to that point is very difficult. Just tonight, while I was watching netflix I was thinking about which step in evening schedule I wanted to skip. It's not good to skip steps. So far I'm doing well. I showered and meditated (the step I was most keen on skipping). Next I'll be journaling and doing a bit of reading (Still the Isis and Osiris book (Only 2 chapters left!)).
So, thank you possibly imaginary readers for keeping me honest. And, since this blog is my replacement for facebook, I always celebrated frog day on Wednesdays on Facebook, so here is a wonderfully cute frog picture for your Wednesday view pleasure.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
The Next Step
So, I've decided it's probably going to get pretty old if I just get on here every day and talk about how I didn't get on facebook. Let's be honest, I can only say it so many ways. So, I've decided to take this time (and this blog) and make it about personal growth as well. Ok, mostly about personal growth at this point. Let's just say, going forward, unless I specify on any given day, I did not get on facebook. If I slip, I'll admit it, and try to identify what led me to that slip, but going forward, there will be little talk of how I'm not on facebook.
Today was the first day of the new schedule I set myself yesterday and so far, so good. I showered at 9...well, 9:05. I got distracted watching Once Upon a Time. Then did a 10 minute meditation. I decided to start out light, seeing as I've never done much sitting meditation. I mean, I've tried it now and then, but never on a regular basis because quite frankly, I don't like it very much. So I decided to start out simple. 10 minutes with low light and some background meditation music to drown out any distracting noises. Looped breathing for 10 minutes, in on the count of 4, hold for a count of 4, out for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4. It's an exercise we used to do in choir to help with breath control. Incidentally, it's also a very popular meditation exercise. It's nice because it's something familiar for me, because of choir, and it's simple. My goal for now is just to be able to sit for an extended period of time and try to keep my mind clear. I may just stick with this going forward, but after a week or two I'm going to reevaluate and decide if I want to change things up. I may decide to make myself sit for a longer period of time, or decide to different meditation exercises, but for now, this what I'm going to stick with.
I also think I'm going to try to start journaling again. I used to journal pretty regularly. Mostly when things weren't going the way I wanted it my life, or when something was really bothering me. But, it's a good thing to do to help me become more self aware I think. Plus, there are always things that I could write in a journal that I'm no comfortable putting out on the internet.
It's 9:50 now. I think I'll do a quick journal entry, then lay down by 10, as I set for myself, to do some reading. In case you're wondering, I'll be reading Isis and Osiris by Jonathan Cott. It's a book I've been working on for a while, but haven't afforded myself enough time to finish.
Also, in case you were wondering, today is exactly one month till my birthday. You may think I'm too old to care about that, but I am a firm believer that everyone should be excited for and celebrate their birthday, no matter what their age.
Today was the first day of the new schedule I set myself yesterday and so far, so good. I showered at 9...well, 9:05. I got distracted watching Once Upon a Time. Then did a 10 minute meditation. I decided to start out light, seeing as I've never done much sitting meditation. I mean, I've tried it now and then, but never on a regular basis because quite frankly, I don't like it very much. So I decided to start out simple. 10 minutes with low light and some background meditation music to drown out any distracting noises. Looped breathing for 10 minutes, in on the count of 4, hold for a count of 4, out for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4. It's an exercise we used to do in choir to help with breath control. Incidentally, it's also a very popular meditation exercise. It's nice because it's something familiar for me, because of choir, and it's simple. My goal for now is just to be able to sit for an extended period of time and try to keep my mind clear. I may just stick with this going forward, but after a week or two I'm going to reevaluate and decide if I want to change things up. I may decide to make myself sit for a longer period of time, or decide to different meditation exercises, but for now, this what I'm going to stick with.
I also think I'm going to try to start journaling again. I used to journal pretty regularly. Mostly when things weren't going the way I wanted it my life, or when something was really bothering me. But, it's a good thing to do to help me become more self aware I think. Plus, there are always things that I could write in a journal that I'm no comfortable putting out on the internet.
It's 9:50 now. I think I'll do a quick journal entry, then lay down by 10, as I set for myself, to do some reading. In case you're wondering, I'll be reading Isis and Osiris by Jonathan Cott. It's a book I've been working on for a while, but haven't afforded myself enough time to finish.
Also, in case you were wondering, today is exactly one month till my birthday. You may think I'm too old to care about that, but I am a firm believer that everyone should be excited for and celebrate their birthday, no matter what their age.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
The First Day of Success
Today I didn't go to facebook even once. Not a single time. It's after midnight now and I'm about to go to bed, so I can officially say I have been successful for one full day.
It makes me anxious, honestly. When I think about what I might be missing. When the thought pops into my head that I could just go check once, see what's going on. But I keep reminding myself what it could do to me. How it could hurt me. To feel a bit of anxiety now is going to be better in the long run, I know it.
It was easier today, since I worked. I don't have a smartphone or anything like that so I can't check facebook at work. I have no access to most forms of social media. It makes it easy because that's the largest chunk of my day. Then when I come home, all I have to do is make it a few hours without faltering. Easier said than done, but I know I can make it through. The thing I'm most annoyed at with my decision is that I was so excited for October. Halloween facebook is my favorite. People post things that I love all year. Fall colors and pumpkins. I even saved up a bunch of pictures that I had planned to post as a countdown to halloween in October on Facebook. But I have to keep telling myself it's not as important as the personal growth that I'm trying to achieve. Maybe I'll post the pictures on here instead.
My next goal is to start spending less time in front of the computer. Even though I'm not on facebook constantly like I was before, I'm still in front of the screen a lot. I watch netflix and cross stitch. Which is pretty much my favorite way to spend my evenings. But I should work on other things too. It's hard sometimes, especially when order volume is high in my etsy store and I feel like I'm spending every spare moment trying to keep up. But I had my shop on vacation for a couple weeks so things are pretty quiet right now. So, I've decided to make a list of things I'm going to spend more time doing in order to stay away from the computer.
First, I'm going to try to shutdown the computer every night at 10pm and read for a while. I love books, but sometimes I feel like there are better things I could be doing, which is stupid. I miss reading. And one thing I really want to do is focus more on my spirituality. For me, a large part of that is research and gathering knowledge. So, computer off every night at 10pm and read until I'm ready to go to sleep.
Another thing I'd like to start doing is meditating. Again, part of what I want/should do to help develop and grow my spirituality. I've always meant to start a meditation regimen. It's one of those things that I always thought to myself "one day." But, one day will never get here if I don't start. I should quit putting things off. So, starting hopefully tomorrow. The plan is, shower around 9pm every night, then meditate for about 20 mins or so (this may be less at first, as I get used the process of a sitting meditation), then watch a bit more netflix and/or cross stitch a bit more until 10, which I've already established as computer off time.
I also think having a more defined schedule in the evening will help to get me to bed earlier. I'm sick of always being tired at work. I'm hoping if I get myself on a better schedule, I'll be sleeping better and getting more sleep. Which, ultimately will theoretically lead me to being in better spirits at work. As long as I can stick to the schedule I'm setting.
These are my goals for the next few weeks. Obviously I'm not starting today, but starting tomorrow, this will be my schedule. We'll see how it goes, hopefully it will help me to accomplish more in the goals for my life.
It makes me anxious, honestly. When I think about what I might be missing. When the thought pops into my head that I could just go check once, see what's going on. But I keep reminding myself what it could do to me. How it could hurt me. To feel a bit of anxiety now is going to be better in the long run, I know it.
It was easier today, since I worked. I don't have a smartphone or anything like that so I can't check facebook at work. I have no access to most forms of social media. It makes it easy because that's the largest chunk of my day. Then when I come home, all I have to do is make it a few hours without faltering. Easier said than done, but I know I can make it through. The thing I'm most annoyed at with my decision is that I was so excited for October. Halloween facebook is my favorite. People post things that I love all year. Fall colors and pumpkins. I even saved up a bunch of pictures that I had planned to post as a countdown to halloween in October on Facebook. But I have to keep telling myself it's not as important as the personal growth that I'm trying to achieve. Maybe I'll post the pictures on here instead.
My next goal is to start spending less time in front of the computer. Even though I'm not on facebook constantly like I was before, I'm still in front of the screen a lot. I watch netflix and cross stitch. Which is pretty much my favorite way to spend my evenings. But I should work on other things too. It's hard sometimes, especially when order volume is high in my etsy store and I feel like I'm spending every spare moment trying to keep up. But I had my shop on vacation for a couple weeks so things are pretty quiet right now. So, I've decided to make a list of things I'm going to spend more time doing in order to stay away from the computer.
First, I'm going to try to shutdown the computer every night at 10pm and read for a while. I love books, but sometimes I feel like there are better things I could be doing, which is stupid. I miss reading. And one thing I really want to do is focus more on my spirituality. For me, a large part of that is research and gathering knowledge. So, computer off every night at 10pm and read until I'm ready to go to sleep.
Another thing I'd like to start doing is meditating. Again, part of what I want/should do to help develop and grow my spirituality. I've always meant to start a meditation regimen. It's one of those things that I always thought to myself "one day." But, one day will never get here if I don't start. I should quit putting things off. So, starting hopefully tomorrow. The plan is, shower around 9pm every night, then meditate for about 20 mins or so (this may be less at first, as I get used the process of a sitting meditation), then watch a bit more netflix and/or cross stitch a bit more until 10, which I've already established as computer off time.
I also think having a more defined schedule in the evening will help to get me to bed earlier. I'm sick of always being tired at work. I'm hoping if I get myself on a better schedule, I'll be sleeping better and getting more sleep. Which, ultimately will theoretically lead me to being in better spirits at work. As long as I can stick to the schedule I'm setting.
These are my goals for the next few weeks. Obviously I'm not starting today, but starting tomorrow, this will be my schedule. We'll see how it goes, hopefully it will help me to accomplish more in the goals for my life.
Monday, September 8, 2014
Day 1
Do you ever have one of those days or moments, when you realize that you are your own worst enemy?
I deleted the quicklink I have for facebook. But I still found myself wandering there a couple times today. I'm not surprised really, I figured there would be a buffer period. A period of time where I would still wander there once or twice a day until I can really build up my self control. And I went there, knowing what I would find. Anger, annoyance, frustration. And yet I went there anyway. Silly really.
The good news is, I didn't keep the page open all day like I normally do. I was off work today, and usually on my days off work, I sit in front of the computer with a number of tabs open, one of them being facebook. Just waiting for something to happen. Something to bring out my emotion, any emotion. I started out my day this way. Not with facebook open, but sitting in front of the computer, watching netflix. Waiting for something to happen. But then I had this moment, where I realized that nothing would happen. Sure, I had my email open, but the odds of anything popping in there are very, very slim.
So I left. I got up and said "stop it, there's no reason for this. Go do something worth doing." So I got dressed and went out.
I went to Panera and had lunch with myself and a book. It was nice. I didn't even feel too awkward. I really hate being out. Even with people I like. But by myself, I always feel uncomfortable. But it wasn't too bad. There was a strange man who sat down across from me and I felt like he was watching me. Which was strange. But I finished a chapter in a book that I hadn't work on in a while, and that was satisfying.
Then I ran a few more errands. And I kept finding myself thinking "I need to hurry up and get home." But then I would stop and realize I really didn't. There was nothing at home that wouldn't be there when I got back. I need to start really enjoying and thinking about the things I'm doing, rather than just counting down the items to finish before I can get back to the house, back in front of the computer. It's not that important. It's nothing that can't wait. And it was nice having that realization. It was still a little uncomfortable for me. I kept having to remind myself that I didn't have anything to hurry back to, that I should just be taking my time and focusing on what I'm doing in the moment.
Tomorrow I go back to work, which will be nice because I'm used to not having social media at work, so it won't be quite as difficult.
I deleted the quicklink I have for facebook. But I still found myself wandering there a couple times today. I'm not surprised really, I figured there would be a buffer period. A period of time where I would still wander there once or twice a day until I can really build up my self control. And I went there, knowing what I would find. Anger, annoyance, frustration. And yet I went there anyway. Silly really.
The good news is, I didn't keep the page open all day like I normally do. I was off work today, and usually on my days off work, I sit in front of the computer with a number of tabs open, one of them being facebook. Just waiting for something to happen. Something to bring out my emotion, any emotion. I started out my day this way. Not with facebook open, but sitting in front of the computer, watching netflix. Waiting for something to happen. But then I had this moment, where I realized that nothing would happen. Sure, I had my email open, but the odds of anything popping in there are very, very slim.
So I left. I got up and said "stop it, there's no reason for this. Go do something worth doing." So I got dressed and went out.
I went to Panera and had lunch with myself and a book. It was nice. I didn't even feel too awkward. I really hate being out. Even with people I like. But by myself, I always feel uncomfortable. But it wasn't too bad. There was a strange man who sat down across from me and I felt like he was watching me. Which was strange. But I finished a chapter in a book that I hadn't work on in a while, and that was satisfying.
Then I ran a few more errands. And I kept finding myself thinking "I need to hurry up and get home." But then I would stop and realize I really didn't. There was nothing at home that wouldn't be there when I got back. I need to start really enjoying and thinking about the things I'm doing, rather than just counting down the items to finish before I can get back to the house, back in front of the computer. It's not that important. It's nothing that can't wait. And it was nice having that realization. It was still a little uncomfortable for me. I kept having to remind myself that I didn't have anything to hurry back to, that I should just be taking my time and focusing on what I'm doing in the moment.
Tomorrow I go back to work, which will be nice because I'm used to not having social media at work, so it won't be quite as difficult.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
The Decision
I've had facebook since I started college back in 2006. It's been my way to stay in touch. To keep up. To know what's going on. With everyone. With everything. I follow friends, musicians, actors, public figures, groups, pages. Everyday I log on and spend hours scrolling through endless posts of everything...and nothing.
It's occurred to me recently that facebook, and many forms of social media are the cause of so much of my anger. I see posts by people that I just think are plain stupid. I see posts by groups that make me angry about what's happening the world. I see things that I just truly can't believe. People repost without thinking, without fact checking. And all I can think is "what is wrong with the world?" Then it hit me. This is what's wrong with the world.
But that's not the only problem. Facebook and social media have created this world where we need to be constantly in touch with each other. I find myself upset at the lack of posts or messages directed at me. And why? Because why aren't you paying attention to ME? And that's a person that I don't want to be. I don't want to log on and scroll through, looking for a reason to be angry. Or for a reason to not be angry. It's made me become a person that depends solely on other people for my happiness. And it's also pulled out my green jealousy monster, who I take great pride in not feeding as much as possible.
Don't get me wrong. I've been this way since long before facebook and social media. It's the type of person I am. But, I've reached a point in my life where I want to focus on myself. Where I want to work on this part of myself. I want to worry about me, create my own happiness, stop worrying about others and worry more about myself.
So, starting today, I'm giving up facebook. I know that this blog could potentially cause the same problems that facebook has caused, but I find it unlikely that anyone will even be reading it. It's more of a way for me to vent my frustrations and document how this will effect me long term. I'm not going to set a timeline, because I think that's silly. Then I'll just find myself counting the days down. But I am going to spend more time trying to do things that interest me and make me happy. Rather than spending all my time in front of the computer, trying to find something to do until facebook gives me what I want.
So, goodbye facebook. Until we meet again, sometime (hopefully very far) in the future.
It's occurred to me recently that facebook, and many forms of social media are the cause of so much of my anger. I see posts by people that I just think are plain stupid. I see posts by groups that make me angry about what's happening the world. I see things that I just truly can't believe. People repost without thinking, without fact checking. And all I can think is "what is wrong with the world?" Then it hit me. This is what's wrong with the world.
But that's not the only problem. Facebook and social media have created this world where we need to be constantly in touch with each other. I find myself upset at the lack of posts or messages directed at me. And why? Because why aren't you paying attention to ME? And that's a person that I don't want to be. I don't want to log on and scroll through, looking for a reason to be angry. Or for a reason to not be angry. It's made me become a person that depends solely on other people for my happiness. And it's also pulled out my green jealousy monster, who I take great pride in not feeding as much as possible.
Don't get me wrong. I've been this way since long before facebook and social media. It's the type of person I am. But, I've reached a point in my life where I want to focus on myself. Where I want to work on this part of myself. I want to worry about me, create my own happiness, stop worrying about others and worry more about myself.
So, starting today, I'm giving up facebook. I know that this blog could potentially cause the same problems that facebook has caused, but I find it unlikely that anyone will even be reading it. It's more of a way for me to vent my frustrations and document how this will effect me long term. I'm not going to set a timeline, because I think that's silly. Then I'll just find myself counting the days down. But I am going to spend more time trying to do things that interest me and make me happy. Rather than spending all my time in front of the computer, trying to find something to do until facebook gives me what I want.
So, goodbye facebook. Until we meet again, sometime (hopefully very far) in the future.
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