I started this blog mid last year, as an outlet when I took a break from facebook. That actually went fairly well. I did eventually go back, but it was never meant to be a permanent change, just a temporary one to make me reevaluate what's important to me.
But now I'm starting a new chapter. And while I will not be breaking from facebook, I am trying to make some positive changes in my life.
My weight is something I've struggled with as long as I can remember. The unfortunate thing about not being happy with your weight, is you tend to be the type of person to eat your feelings. And I am, to an extent, but the bigger issue is my lack of self control. But that needs to stop now. I actually used to have really good self control. Never with food, but to be honest I've never tried that hard with food, but when I was in school I was very disciplined.
As such, my first goal for this year is to lose weight. I've decided to do this with several different avenues. First, start a workout regimen. My ultimate goal is to get up early and do a bit of exercise, and in the evening after I eat dinner. Though if I'm being completely honest with myself, there's a pretty good chance my morning workouts will fall to the wayside, as I am NOT a morning person in the slightest. I'm lucky if I get myself out of bed early enough to eat breakfast and get dressed. But, alas, it is a goal.
Second, I'm going to start eating vegetarian. Now one may argue that this is not necessary to lose weight. You can just diet and eat better without eating vegetarian. This is extremely true. And, by just dieting and eating better, I did lose 20 pounds last year. However, eating vegetarian is something that has always been a goal in my life and this really just seems to be a good time to implement it.
That being said, I've so far done one workout this evening. I'll try to be up at 6 tomorrow in time to do another. The vegetarian change will come next week, after I have time to do a bit of shopping this weekend. More updates to come.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Thursday, September 18, 2014
A Slip or a Choice?
Sorry I've been MIA for the last couple days. I just haven't had much to say and didn't the point in posting nothing. Also, last night I was out until 9:30. I didn't even do my meditating. I was home so late, something had to give and I decided that reading was a higher priority to me that meditating, so I skipped a night. Right back to it tonight though.
Things are mostly going about the same. I did get on facebook briefly today (I promised I would be honest about it). Though it was less of a slip and more of an exception. A friend had some photos to show me and the easiest way for me to see them was to look at them on facebook where he had posted them. I didn't scroll through anything though. I did go through my notifications, because I had a lot, but I didn't scroll through any timeline posts and only looked at certain notifications. I wanted to make sure and stick as much to my promise to myself as possible.
Other than that, everything's the same and everything's pretty good. I will be house sitting next week and likely won't be doing any posting as the family I'm house sitting for has internet, but can't remember the password to their wifi. So I will not have access to blogger or google. I may keep a bit of a pseudo journal while I'm there and post on here when I get home, but probably only if I have something of significance to say.
Things are mostly going about the same. I did get on facebook briefly today (I promised I would be honest about it). Though it was less of a slip and more of an exception. A friend had some photos to show me and the easiest way for me to see them was to look at them on facebook where he had posted them. I didn't scroll through anything though. I did go through my notifications, because I had a lot, but I didn't scroll through any timeline posts and only looked at certain notifications. I wanted to make sure and stick as much to my promise to myself as possible.
Other than that, everything's the same and everything's pretty good. I will be house sitting next week and likely won't be doing any posting as the family I'm house sitting for has internet, but can't remember the password to their wifi. So I will not have access to blogger or google. I may keep a bit of a pseudo journal while I'm there and post on here when I get home, but probably only if I have something of significance to say.
Monday, September 15, 2014
Kitten Videos
I find that meditating is getting easier. I wouldn't say I'm doing very well at it yet, but I don't quite mind just sitting as much as I did at first. The time doesn't seem to take as long, and pushing past the initial "I don't want to sit here for ten minutes" feeling is quicker than it was at first. So, that's good. I still have a lot of trouble clearing my mind. It's just so difficult for me to push all those thoughts out of my head.
It's been one week since I've started all of this. One week since I made the decision to give up facebook. Overall I think it's going well. I don't miss it quite so much. I do find that I still feel like I'm missing something. Mostly because I would spend my evenings watching netflix, then when I needed a short break from that, I would scroll through facebook. But, it's nice to not be feeling all that negativity. I do feel like I'm missing a lot. I'm missing what's going on with the people I care about and I'm missing what's going on in the world in general. Pop culture has never been of much interest to me, so I don't miss that part, but just small things. Like when the ice bucket challenge was so big, or when gay marriage is legalized in different states. The small things that brought me bits of happiness here and there. I do miss that...kitten videos. I miss the kitten videos. But, I still think the positives outweigh the negatives overall, so I am still happy with my decision.
It's been one week since I've started all of this. One week since I made the decision to give up facebook. Overall I think it's going well. I don't miss it quite so much. I do find that I still feel like I'm missing something. Mostly because I would spend my evenings watching netflix, then when I needed a short break from that, I would scroll through facebook. But, it's nice to not be feeling all that negativity. I do feel like I'm missing a lot. I'm missing what's going on with the people I care about and I'm missing what's going on in the world in general. Pop culture has never been of much interest to me, so I don't miss that part, but just small things. Like when the ice bucket challenge was so big, or when gay marriage is legalized in different states. The small things that brought me bits of happiness here and there. I do miss that...kitten videos. I miss the kitten videos. But, I still think the positives outweigh the negatives overall, so I am still happy with my decision.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
As Expected
So, I took a nap when I got home from work yesterday, which is pretty much the kiss of death to any sort of plan I may have had. I didn't really even plan on napping, I just laid down to read for a bit, and the next thing I knew, I was being woken for dinner. The problem with napping, while I do love it, is that the rest of the day all off-kilter. I ate lunch, took a nap, then woke up to eat dinner. There was no time in between. Which basically means that my whole evening was shot. I didn't do any meditating didn't get to bed on time. I did read before bed, which was nice, and finished the book I was reading, which was extra nice.
The good news is, I did better tonight. Did my meditating, now I'm blogging, next it's reading and bed. I even brushed about a million burrs out of my cat's fur earlier this evening, which made me feel extra productive. Word of caution to anyone who thinks having an outdoor cat may be a good idea, just make sure it's a short-haired cat, for the love god.
I've been having a hard time clearing my mind during meditation. It's part of the reason I've always hated sitting meditation so much. I just find it so difficult to clear my mind. It's always so crazy in there. I really dislike that about myself. Even if there's nothing bad (which, let's face it, in life, there's usually something bad to think about), my brain starts making things up. It's really something I need to work on, not only the making up problems thing, but the clearing my mind thing. It's one of the hardest parts of this whole thing.
I'm starting a new book this evening. It's called "God Against the Gods" by Jonathan Kirsch. I always have a hard time deciding which book to read next. And now that I'm trying to work more on personal growth, and one of the major things I'm focusing on is my spirituality, I want the books I read to have meaning. Maybe meaning isn't the right work, but some kind of order. I don't want to just blindly be reading book after book and not have them connected in some way. I think I'm going to go through my book list over the next couple of days and see if I can find a way to group them together so my reading seems more focused.
The good news is, I did better tonight. Did my meditating, now I'm blogging, next it's reading and bed. I even brushed about a million burrs out of my cat's fur earlier this evening, which made me feel extra productive. Word of caution to anyone who thinks having an outdoor cat may be a good idea, just make sure it's a short-haired cat, for the love god.
I've been having a hard time clearing my mind during meditation. It's part of the reason I've always hated sitting meditation so much. I just find it so difficult to clear my mind. It's always so crazy in there. I really dislike that about myself. Even if there's nothing bad (which, let's face it, in life, there's usually something bad to think about), my brain starts making things up. It's really something I need to work on, not only the making up problems thing, but the clearing my mind thing. It's one of the hardest parts of this whole thing.
I'm starting a new book this evening. It's called "God Against the Gods" by Jonathan Kirsch. I always have a hard time deciding which book to read next. And now that I'm trying to work more on personal growth, and one of the major things I'm focusing on is my spirituality, I want the books I read to have meaning. Maybe meaning isn't the right work, but some kind of order. I don't want to just blindly be reading book after book and not have them connected in some way. I think I'm going to go through my book list over the next couple of days and see if I can find a way to group them together so my reading seems more focused.
Friday, September 12, 2014
The Weekend Encroaches
Sometimes I feel like the universe is working against me. I felt much better about meditating tonight. I felt like I was in a good place mentally and that my mind was a little more cooperative. However, when I sat down to begin, my cat decided that this would be a good time for some cuddles. It was not. She did leave me alone about half way through, and I was able to mostly ignore her, but it does make things a bit difficult when you have a cat on your lap and rubbing your legs and licking your hands and biting your arms. "But, why wouldn't you just lock your cat out of the room while you're meditating?" Good question made up blog reader. If I lock her out of the room she just sits on the other side of the door and cries, which is equally, if not more distracting. The weird thing is, she did fine the first couple nights. Just laid there and watched, which didn't bother me at all. I'm hoping the more I do it, as long I just ignore her, she'll get the idea that this is not a time for attention.
Otherwise I'm doing well. I didn't do my journaling last night. By the time I got off here, it was already 10 and I didn't want to push my timeline too far back (another large point of this whole schedule is to make sure I get to bed at a decent hour). So I decided between journaling and reading, I'd rather give up journaling since I had already done my blogging for the evening.
Sorry I don't have too much to say this evening, but it's been a fairly uneventful day in my world. The weekend is tomorrow, which I'm a little leary about. I always have issues with weekends. Things are easier during the week when I have to work around my work schedule. It's easy to eat right and stick with some sort of plan. But on the weekends, when all I want to do is sit around and nap, things get a bit more difficult. I do work tomorrow, which is actually helpful, but I'll keep you updated on how things go.
Otherwise I'm doing well. I didn't do my journaling last night. By the time I got off here, it was already 10 and I didn't want to push my timeline too far back (another large point of this whole schedule is to make sure I get to bed at a decent hour). So I decided between journaling and reading, I'd rather give up journaling since I had already done my blogging for the evening.
Sorry I don't have too much to say this evening, but it's been a fairly uneventful day in my world. The weekend is tomorrow, which I'm a little leary about. I always have issues with weekends. Things are easier during the week when I have to work around my work schedule. It's easy to eat right and stick with some sort of plan. But on the weekends, when all I want to do is sit around and nap, things get a bit more difficult. I do work tomorrow, which is actually helpful, but I'll keep you updated on how things go.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Clouded
Meditating was very difficult tonight. My mind is clouded. There was an incident at work and I can't stop thinking about it. I just kept finding my mind drifting to work. I pushed the thoughts out when I became aware that they were sneaking in, but it's easier said than done. And the less focused I became on meditating, I found the quicker my counting became, to the point that it was almost silly to even try to do any breathing exercises. I would definitely say, meditation tonight was not very successful. That's ok though, I know that the more I work at it, the easier it will get.
I don't like starting new things. For one thing, I've always been fairly resistant to change. I like it mostly when things stay the same, because it's comfortable and I like that. Plus, when I'm trying to make personal changes, I always find it especially difficult. I can see where I want to be, and I can see the road to getting where I want to be, the problem is always traveling the road. That's part of the reason that I'm keeping this blog, to help keep me on track and honest.
It's like, when I try to lose weight, I always start off really well, then I find it getting harder and harder. Like the road is getting longer and longer. I can see myself at the end, at a good weight that I'm happy with, and I can see the steps to get there, but actually taking those steps and sticking with it is very difficult.
That's how I feel about this personal growth journey I've started. I know that once I get used to this routine, I'll love it and I'll be happy with myself, but actually getting to that point is very difficult. Just tonight, while I was watching netflix I was thinking about which step in evening schedule I wanted to skip. It's not good to skip steps. So far I'm doing well. I showered and meditated (the step I was most keen on skipping). Next I'll be journaling and doing a bit of reading (Still the Isis and Osiris book (Only 2 chapters left!)).
So, thank you possibly imaginary readers for keeping me honest. And, since this blog is my replacement for facebook, I always celebrated frog day on Wednesdays on Facebook, so here is a wonderfully cute frog picture for your Wednesday view pleasure.
I don't like starting new things. For one thing, I've always been fairly resistant to change. I like it mostly when things stay the same, because it's comfortable and I like that. Plus, when I'm trying to make personal changes, I always find it especially difficult. I can see where I want to be, and I can see the road to getting where I want to be, the problem is always traveling the road. That's part of the reason that I'm keeping this blog, to help keep me on track and honest.
It's like, when I try to lose weight, I always start off really well, then I find it getting harder and harder. Like the road is getting longer and longer. I can see myself at the end, at a good weight that I'm happy with, and I can see the steps to get there, but actually taking those steps and sticking with it is very difficult.
That's how I feel about this personal growth journey I've started. I know that once I get used to this routine, I'll love it and I'll be happy with myself, but actually getting to that point is very difficult. Just tonight, while I was watching netflix I was thinking about which step in evening schedule I wanted to skip. It's not good to skip steps. So far I'm doing well. I showered and meditated (the step I was most keen on skipping). Next I'll be journaling and doing a bit of reading (Still the Isis and Osiris book (Only 2 chapters left!)).
So, thank you possibly imaginary readers for keeping me honest. And, since this blog is my replacement for facebook, I always celebrated frog day on Wednesdays on Facebook, so here is a wonderfully cute frog picture for your Wednesday view pleasure.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
The Next Step
So, I've decided it's probably going to get pretty old if I just get on here every day and talk about how I didn't get on facebook. Let's be honest, I can only say it so many ways. So, I've decided to take this time (and this blog) and make it about personal growth as well. Ok, mostly about personal growth at this point. Let's just say, going forward, unless I specify on any given day, I did not get on facebook. If I slip, I'll admit it, and try to identify what led me to that slip, but going forward, there will be little talk of how I'm not on facebook.
Today was the first day of the new schedule I set myself yesterday and so far, so good. I showered at 9...well, 9:05. I got distracted watching Once Upon a Time. Then did a 10 minute meditation. I decided to start out light, seeing as I've never done much sitting meditation. I mean, I've tried it now and then, but never on a regular basis because quite frankly, I don't like it very much. So I decided to start out simple. 10 minutes with low light and some background meditation music to drown out any distracting noises. Looped breathing for 10 minutes, in on the count of 4, hold for a count of 4, out for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4. It's an exercise we used to do in choir to help with breath control. Incidentally, it's also a very popular meditation exercise. It's nice because it's something familiar for me, because of choir, and it's simple. My goal for now is just to be able to sit for an extended period of time and try to keep my mind clear. I may just stick with this going forward, but after a week or two I'm going to reevaluate and decide if I want to change things up. I may decide to make myself sit for a longer period of time, or decide to different meditation exercises, but for now, this what I'm going to stick with.
I also think I'm going to try to start journaling again. I used to journal pretty regularly. Mostly when things weren't going the way I wanted it my life, or when something was really bothering me. But, it's a good thing to do to help me become more self aware I think. Plus, there are always things that I could write in a journal that I'm no comfortable putting out on the internet.
It's 9:50 now. I think I'll do a quick journal entry, then lay down by 10, as I set for myself, to do some reading. In case you're wondering, I'll be reading Isis and Osiris by Jonathan Cott. It's a book I've been working on for a while, but haven't afforded myself enough time to finish.
Also, in case you were wondering, today is exactly one month till my birthday. You may think I'm too old to care about that, but I am a firm believer that everyone should be excited for and celebrate their birthday, no matter what their age.
Today was the first day of the new schedule I set myself yesterday and so far, so good. I showered at 9...well, 9:05. I got distracted watching Once Upon a Time. Then did a 10 minute meditation. I decided to start out light, seeing as I've never done much sitting meditation. I mean, I've tried it now and then, but never on a regular basis because quite frankly, I don't like it very much. So I decided to start out simple. 10 minutes with low light and some background meditation music to drown out any distracting noises. Looped breathing for 10 minutes, in on the count of 4, hold for a count of 4, out for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4. It's an exercise we used to do in choir to help with breath control. Incidentally, it's also a very popular meditation exercise. It's nice because it's something familiar for me, because of choir, and it's simple. My goal for now is just to be able to sit for an extended period of time and try to keep my mind clear. I may just stick with this going forward, but after a week or two I'm going to reevaluate and decide if I want to change things up. I may decide to make myself sit for a longer period of time, or decide to different meditation exercises, but for now, this what I'm going to stick with.
I also think I'm going to try to start journaling again. I used to journal pretty regularly. Mostly when things weren't going the way I wanted it my life, or when something was really bothering me. But, it's a good thing to do to help me become more self aware I think. Plus, there are always things that I could write in a journal that I'm no comfortable putting out on the internet.
It's 9:50 now. I think I'll do a quick journal entry, then lay down by 10, as I set for myself, to do some reading. In case you're wondering, I'll be reading Isis and Osiris by Jonathan Cott. It's a book I've been working on for a while, but haven't afforded myself enough time to finish.
Also, in case you were wondering, today is exactly one month till my birthday. You may think I'm too old to care about that, but I am a firm believer that everyone should be excited for and celebrate their birthday, no matter what their age.
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